I Pity The Fool.....

I have no idea what I am writing today.  I seem to have hit a wall where I am unsure of my present and my future.  My life seems to be set in a mode of work and home with Grandma (who I love don't get me wrong).  I feel boxed in and I would like to do something that I am passionate about.  But how can you do something like that when you doubt yourself and what you can accomplish?

I know things I like to do.  I like to read, listen to music and I love to travel.  If I could be anyone I would be Samantha Brown.  Granted I find her show a bit remedial and she always has a drink in her hand.  But, she gets to travel all over the world for her occupation.  How the heck did she pull that off??!!  I wish I had thought of that years ago and done something in that vein, hence I would not be in the position I am in now.

I am stuck in a job I am not happy with and am bordering on loathing.  The few people who made it tolerable are gone or are leaving (Whitney...Teri!!! For shame!!).  I have one person left..and they aren't much happier than I am.  However, their personality is much different than mine...looking on the bright side when they can.  I wish I could say I was an optimist, but lets face it.  I am a realist.  When I tend to look out for anything good, it turns out for crap.

I have a feeling of distrust almost all the time, in every situation.  Its very disconcerting and annoying.  Who really wants to feel like this?? I am unable to leave my living situation.  I live with my grandmother since my grandpa passed away 3 years ago, so she wouldn't be alone.  Its not all bad, but it hasn't been a picnic either.

Since the house has been literally eaten with termites, we are under construction.  Since June.  That has made things even more closed in and cluttered.  I am bordering on sainthood.  Since no one is dead yet I feel that is at least some kind of accomplishment.  I think the worst part is I don't have the option to go anywhere.  Maybe some day.  Its sad that I can feel so excited about a vacation with my sisters family next fall.  Maybe before then things will change a bit.

Okay, this has turned into a pity party.  Not the best start to a weekend.  At least I got it off my chest.  Hopefully, things will improve.  Hey!  Maybe I will win the lottery!  Yeah right...

Until next time...I hope everyone will keep on keepin on...